Zombie alien drill sergeant pointing at you: ENLIST TODAY
// TRANSMISSION FROM HIGH COMMAND //

The Galaxy
Wants YOU

The Galactic Forces are recruiting gamers, degens, and anyone with a working thumb. No experience required. Experience actively discouraged.

Enlist Now Know More →

Why Enlist?

Benefits reviewed & denied by High Command

Galactic Rations

Unlimited Gloob Fuel. Side effects include victory and mild glowing.

Space Pizza

One slice per campaign. The skull shape is for morale. Do not ask what the topping is.

Instant Medals

Awarded for showing up, memes, and acts of unhinged loyalty.

Combat Training

Ever rage-quit a ranked match? Congratulations, you exceed our minimum requirements.

War Trophies

Plushies of your fallen enemies. They squeak. It's disturbing. You'll love them.

Intel Briefings

The newsletter. Charts only go up in it. That's a design choice, not a promise.

Live From The Front

Official propaganda broadcast · Loop 0451

▚ SIGNAL DEGRADED · MORALE NOMINAL ▞

Chain of Command

Climb the ranks by opening emails

Space Private
REQ: has email address, can breathe
Meme Corporal
REQ: opened 3 briefings without crying
Void Sergeant
REQ: forwarded a briefing to an unwilling friend
Fleet Admiral
REQ: unknown. nobody has ever achieved this.

Enlistment Terminal

Join the funniest force in the known universe

Galactic Federation recruitment terminal
GF-RECRUIT-OS v4.20 · APPLY NOW

By enlisting you agree to receive the Galactic Intel Briefing (a newsletter) and absolutely nothing else. Desertion (unsubscribing) is legal but frowned upon by the Fleet.

ENLISTED WELCOME TO THE FLEET, SOLDIER 📡 Join the Barracks